"My penis got stuck in a bottle. -Darryl Gregory"
I hate that I've had to use the word "penis" multiple times in the last few posts, but this is my life.
Last night I had what must have been a 6 hour dream (I slept for about 10 hours) about being married. The first half was about my wedding and my struggles to entertain the crowd of about a thousand that attended. Overall this was fairly pleasant aside from me trying feebly to play acoustic guitar for 1,000 guests. Needless to say I never really played it because when I dream my motor skills are about as good as a 6 year old with oven mitts for hands.
Now the dream took a turn for the worst after the wedding. *This is not a dumb metaphor for the life of a married couple where they are happy at the wedding and then, "Good GOLLY! Being married is not a walk in the park! What happened to the romance?". I mean the rest of the dream consisted of me living at home with my new spouse who turned out to be a MAN! WHAT THE H?? Why? Why would I have a dream where I am married to a dude? It was definitely a woman for the wedding portion of the dream. Can you imagine how much of a letdown that would be? It was pretty awkward overall, but the only funny part was that me and my mystery husband both seemed pretty confused about why we were married like, "Why did we get married? This was a terrible idea, we're both straight." It was also pretty funny because we got along pretty well. Yes. Me and my husband were good friends, but it just wasn't like that. Okay, I have to stop, this is getting increasingly uncomfortable. I can't even explain how relieved I was when I woke up.
Here are some recent quotes from my friend Marissa:
"All the trees are falling from the trees... it makes me sad."
"Hey Marissa, how's that catfish?"
"It's pretty good, it could use some more catfish."
Simple word mix-ups are my favorite.
Unless something hilarious happens, tomorrow will probably be a serious post, so you may want to skip.