Saturday, June 26, 2010

This is what happens when you take a nap from 7:30 PM - 9:30 PM and then work from 11:00 PM - 2:30 AM and then don't feel like sleeping:

Rotation and lift
I saw you by the fire and I could tell you were deep
Water and shift
I asked you your name and we had things in common
Love from the Divine
And there was evening, and there was morning, the 6th line
Creation, fall
I showed you my heart and you decided it wasn't for you
Redemption for all
I fell in love again, let there be light

On a less feminine note, I've been playing some disc golf with the number one amateur disc golfer in the state of Kentucky. Yeah, you read that right. Shout out to my boy Jay! May your discs always fly straight.

I was thinking today about how people always talk about being afraid of heights. I've always kind of been confused about it because sometimes I think I'm afraid of heights and other times they don't bother me. For example, I went skydiving a couple years ago and that was awesome. Then today I was standing on like a 4 ft. ladder and almost passed out. But I think I made a huge realization: I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of FALLING. Duh. So obvious, yet so profound. I had never thought of it. Of course I'm not scared of heights, heights are awesome. I'm only scared when I'm up there standin on something slippery or wobbley! Let me give you a little more perspective.


Standing on a cliff, leaning on a built-in rail = Not scared
Standing on a cliff, being chased by hyenas and there's butter on my feet = Peeing myself

Flying in a plane = Not scared
Flying on the outside of a plane = Scared

In other words, the likelihood of me falling is directly proportional to the amount of fear I experience. I hope we've all learned something here.

I'm putting in a lot of hours at the TIKI ZONE this week so everyone should come out and get a hot dog, ring pop, pretzel, sour straws, flavor ice, icee freeze, minute maid freeze, pretzel, cheetos, fritos, doritos, cool ranch doritos, lays, slim jims, hamburger, cheeseburger, corndog, nachos and cheese, vanilla soft serve, klondike bar, pizza, gatorade, water, and pepsi products. Yes, that is the whole Tiki menu. You're welcome.


P.S. Wambles, add about 20 ™s to that list. Too much effort.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


I have 2 things to say to open up this blog post:

1. I already feel like I'm forcing it, so if this post is no good, I apologize in advance.
2. UK just became the first University ever to draft 5 players in the first round of the NBA draft. Unbelievable. Best program ever.

Right now there's a commercial on TV for the hair growing product called Bosley. I hope it really works, but all I can say is there HAS to be a better name out there than Bosley. That is an extremely unpleasant sounding word. No one likes saying Bosley. I guess ultimately all hair growing companies got nailed when the name Miracle Grow™ was taken for fertilizer.

Today at TIKI ZONE this little Indian kid kept coming up and ordering Slim Jims™. Pretty routine, really, but it was hilarious because the kid was like 9 years old and he kept ordering with a fake Indian accent. It was crazy because he was pretty dark skinned so it was definitely possible that he had an accent, but he was there with his red-haired friend who kept laughing whenever he talked... so if it wasn't fake, then he needs to pick out some new friends.

I'm so tired.. way too tired to try and be clever, so let's try this again tomorrow, mkay?


P.S. Sat here for 8 minutes trying to think of a clever PS... nothin. Tomorrow's gonna be AWESOME!!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Reggie Miller's lookin' good..

I really love it when it storms. Today it started storming suddenly in the middle of the day and me and Jer (brother) ran outside and started throwing frisbee and trying to catch leaves. Both of these things were pretty impossible with the crazy wind, and I mainly got hit in the face with leaves, but it was just so great. I kind of wish it would storm or rain for a little while every day and then get nice again.

Dreams are so ridiculous. I had this dream last night that my friend Tyler Casey was playing guitar at our church (which he actually does), but during the songs when he wasn't playing he would do these ridiculous dance moves to fill in the time. So he was up on the screens at church like shimmy-ing with his shoulders and rocking his hips in the middle of worship. Kind of hilarious, but so awkward for dream-Josh because I thought my friend had lost his marbles.

SIDE NOTE: I've never really thought about it, but "lost his marbles" always means that someone went insane or did something idiotic. That's so dumb. It is not hard to lose marbles. They're little hard, clear balls. They roll everywhere and they are slippery. It's insane people who actually make the effort to KEEP their marbles. A more appropriate phrase would be "lost his leg hairs". You're an idiot if you lose your leg hairs.

Dreams. Is there anything more weird than the naked dreams? A few of us were talking about this the other day... why is it that in those dreams you get all the way to the most public places (for me it's always a cookout) and THEN realize you're rockin the nude?? For some reason you got ready to leave (naked), got in the car (naked), drove to the party (still pretty naked), got OUT OF THE CAR. NAKED. YOU'RE NOT WEARING CLOTHES. YOU'RE WALKING AROUND SOCIALIZING WITH PEOPLE AND YOU'RE IN THE FREAKING NUDE. And for some reason it just doesn't hit you until it's too late. And then you try to play it off like there's nothing weird about hanging out naked at a cookout. And then you finally wake up - thank goodness - and realize how dumb the dream version of you was to get into that kind of situation.

Speaking of naked, I've been doing this 100 push-up work out program lately. It's pretty tough. I'm really weak. The Greek olympians worked out naked. I don't though.

It's a good thing milk isn't alcoholic, because I drink a lot of it. And so does my whole family. We go through like 2 gallons a week, at least. Can you imagine if that was 2 gallons of alcohol?? This household would be CRAZYYY! One bowl of the cereal for each of us in the morning and it's just game over. I would have a really hard time alphabetizing things all day, but I would definitely be better at making jokes at the nurses.

I'm pretty tired and I have some more (clothed) push-ups to do, so I'm going to call it a night.
If you're reading this, I probably love you. Unless you have red hair and own a pair of Space Jam edition Air Jordans™.


Friday, June 18, 2010

Carrie Underwood VS. Lady GaGa

Well hello world, here we are again.

Welcome to my blog. I don't know how you got here, but consider yourself lucky because this is a very special place. Haha gosh, I already don't know what I'm talking about. I think it's because I'm not on my normal love seat. For those of you who have read this in the past you know that this is a DISASTER. Basically like taping Superman onto a couch made of kryptonite. That's how crippled I am by not sitting on my love seat. Krypled. DANG has someone already thought of that? That's ingenious. Maybe that's the whole origin of the word kryptonite. Oh well, krypled.

This summer has been pretty great so far. I have 3 little baby part-time jobs that are all kind of funny. I'll go ahead and lay them out for you:

Job #1 - TIKI Zone

Position: Assistant to the TIKI Main Man (<- Yes, real title)

Description: Wrapping endless hotdogs, selling ring pops to kids, listening to awkward comments about soccer moms, and just being generally embarrassed. Also trying to hide my partial colorblindness when kids ask for orange or purple popsicles.

Job #2 - Pulmonary Associates

Position: Paper Cut Receiver/Youngster Nurses Mess With

Description: Filing things until letters and words no longer have meaning, finding appropriate ways to respond to nurses' teasing. Doing things over and over again. It never stops.

Job #3 - Bluegrass Beat (by far the most fun)

Position: DJ Roadie/Beat Dropper in Training

Description: Helping set things up, going through the buffet line multiple times, watching the singles get tipsy and dance.

I hope everyone enjoyed that. I think that was the easiest way to quickly fill you all in on my summer. It really has been fun for the most part.

Some of the conversations I get to hear at these jobs are so amazing. I would love to tell them all, but out of respect for my co-workers I'll only share three:

"I feel like freaking Sh*t. My a** is killing me. I need to sit on a donut."

- "Aw crap, we just gave that girl a frozen hot dog."
- "It's cool, I think she ordered the hot dogsicle."

"That's why I like Carrie, she's classy, not like Lady GaGa, wearin' all that filthy matrix stuff."

Those really might not even be funny you peeps, but when I hear these things I just feel like they have to be repeated so I can remember them.

I've been spending a lot of time in our new studio room in the basement which is so amazing (good work parents). If you want to hear my music you should go here!

I really like this quote I saw today: "The deeper the water, the less noise it makes."
Chew on that.

If I had to bathe in something that wasn't water, it would probably be either Jell-O™ or apple cider. I know that sounds awful, but give that some thought - what wouldn't be gross to bathe in? All you smarty pants people are probably like "Liquid soap, DUH!" and do you know what I have to say to that? That would be unpleasant. And it would sting your eyes a lot. Plus, I would use soap once I was in the Jell-O™ or apple cider so lets just go ahead and take soap products out of the list of options. Oh what's that you say? You want something that's not sticky to bathe in?? GREAT IDEA! Now name something that's not water that won't be sticky. Butter or Vaseline? Yeah, good call. Have fun with your gross slippery butter bath while I smell like either Wild Watermelon™ or fresh apples.

Welp, that was weird.


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Goodbye Teens!

First off, I realize that it has been too long since my last post for anyone to care about this blog. However at the stroke of midnight I'm turning 20, and since this is a really large (boring) milestone in my life I thought I should write something. So far the biggest change I can think of about age 20 is that I will have to be a little more embarrassed about my childish behavior. I kind of hate that I haven't accomplished anything huge or impressive in my teenage years... but I DID score 36 points a basketball game once. So yeah. I got that.

Ha but seriously, I'm pretty excited about my birthday! But there has to be something more interesting to fill you in on. Basically, my sister Sarah is being a nurse in Congo and is truly awesome, hilarious and adventurous, so you should probably just go ahead and read her blog:

April has been a little bit of a blur, but a really beautiful blur full of exciting new things and people and places... I think in my 21st year I would like to learn to be thankful in every circumstance and really count my blessings. I think the more I do that the more I realize how much God takes care of us out of his own goodness. I find myself worrying a lot about things that God has been providing for me since I was like a fetus. It's so ridiculous and kind of sad. But isn't He teaching us new things every day?? I think that's what excites me the most sometimes. He really does want us to grow and will draw near to us if we seek Him.

Completely changing gears, I've been talking some serious trash to my friend Tyler lately. We play a lot of HORSE together (it's a basketball game, don't worry about it couch-dwellers). We've probably played about 40 games in the last month or so.. anyone want to take a stab at how many times he's beaten me? I won't give it away publicly, but it's more than 0 and less than 2. I hope nobody thinks I'm being mean here, it's just that he likes the motivation and trash talking is highly motivating. He said he was going to practice left-handed shots so he could beat me and I told him I'm the best left-handed shooter ever. I think it made him mad, but he will learn to use that anger as fuel.

A serious travesty occurred when Robby Stone alerted/accused me of the fact that I have never mentioned him in a blog post. While I find this hard to believe, I am way to lazy to look through all my posts, so I am just going to take his word for it and admit my folly. Robby - you are amazing and a true stud. Probably one of the 5 or so most influential people on my life. And you're soon to be a movie star and famous soccer player, so that's exciting. I hope you don't turn into a prawn.

I know nobody likes reading long posts, so I'm going to go ahead and wrap this sucker up. Keep it real everyone. I'd like to thank my mom and dad for putting up with my teenage years... okay bye everyone!!!!!


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Come Pick Me Up

Well here we are again!!

Holy dang, it has been so long since I have done this. I feel like a diver who hasn't tried a triple twist flip spin swan dive in a while.. just awkward. I don't even know, analogy attempt number one has obviously failed. All I know is that I'm still on my same plaid love seat, and that is a good thing. If I had to use one word to describe myself right now it would be sexy. I mean that's always the word I would use, but right this second overwhelmed would also work because I haven't blogged in like a year and I'm not sure where to start.

How about here: Dudes-A-Plenty won SWEEPSTAKES!!!! Yeahyuhh. If you don't know what sweepstakes is, then get off of my blog. Seriously, you shouldn't even be reading this sentence, you should be long gone. Keep going, you disgust me. Just kidding. Sweepstakes is the award given for the Samford competition called Step Sing. And we won, and it was amazing. I'm not feeling like giving a lot of details, so I might just be really vague. Lots of neat things happened, some people were happy, others were sad, and in the end, we did what we had to do. So fun.

Since then I have spent most of my time throwing up and coughing, it's been really great. Thanks to my boy Matt Wambles for bringing me Jell-O. I wouldn't have made it without that, no lie. Seriously, isn't Jell-O great? I mean it doesn't make ANY sense at all. Don't tell me it's made out of cow bones or whatever, I really don't give a crap. All I know is that it is sweet delicious food that jiggles. It JIGGLES! Seriously? Can you imagine if people in the Bible times had been able to try that stuff? I mean Moses could have just eaten some Jell-O in front of Pharaoh and been like "Look at me eatin' this stuff. Let my people GO!" And he would've been like "Okay! Just get that jiggly goodness out of here, I can't even understand what that is."

Anyway. That got confusing. I feel like I should do some shout outs. Dwight, Tyler, Tyler, Audrey, Mom, Dad, Deet, Sus, Jer. I'm kind of scared that no one will even read this now since it's been so long. I feel like a stranger in my own home. My home is this blog. And I'm not a stranger, I'm the owner. I'm the landlord and you owe me rent. Pay me or I'll hit you with this fly swatter. Smack.

I think maybe I'm a little more tired than I thought when I started this. My thoughts are not very coherent. I'm really happy to be back to the blog though. There is so much going on in life right now. There are so many decisions I have to make, it's getting ridiculous. I want to make a huge wheel to spin and call it the Wheel of Josh. That's a bad idea and a terrible name. But it might be fun. Let me know if you want to help me build it.

I'm trying to be more thankful. God has blessed me so much. When I really think about it I feel pretty sad about how self centered and selfish I often am. I'm just really blessed and have been given a lot of great opportunities. If you see me, feel free to remind me.

I really wanted to put something funny here. I seriously have nothing. Such a disappointment. But I'm still shaking off the rust, so cut me some slack. No? Fine Mr. BigPants. Why don't you try writing my blog... it's hard being this average.


Saturday, January 30, 2010

Come On Eileen!

A little while back my sister Susannah showed me an 80's song called Come On Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners. For some reason this week it has just exploded in my world and I've listened to it so much. It's kind of a ridiculous song and the lyrics are a little/very sketchy, but musically I think it's completely ingenious. It's the kind of song that can lift my spirits within like 10 seconds, it's just such a happy song.

Anyway, I survived the first week of classes. It wasn't too bad. My Spanish teacher is, once again, from Spain and talks faster than Seabiscuit (runs). Terrible example. But the other day she kept saying "Buenos días Josh!!!" which means "Good job Josh!!! You're my favorite student." Just kidding, it means "Wake up dummy! Why are you so confused all the time? I didn't come all the way to America for this crap." The worst part was when she told me, in Spanish, that by the end of the year I would find it much easier to understand what she says. For some reason I thought she was saying that I needed to work harder to improve so I was like "Como se dice BRING IT ON!?!?" right back to her. I meant this to be a playful way of accepting her academic challenge. Apparently she was just trying to encourage me. Oh man. Telling this story makes me sad. Kind of hilarious.

Dudes-A-Plenty is in full swing. So fun. Sweepstakes.

Today I found this quote that I had written on a friend's wall like over a year ago, I thought it was funny: "Once upon a time there was a boy with a pet cat named Lillian. One day Lillian got sick and died. Turns out she had feline AIDS. Turns out the boy was me."

I think it's crazy when I read stuff I don't remember writing. I'm usually just like "Who was I?" It's so confusing. Apparently I was pretty funny whenever I wrote the Lillian comment. Lillian was a great cat, she was just a little promiscuous. I won't even go into the story of her kittens, I will seriously start crying. That was a tough week. It was like the show Survivor except there was only one tribe and all the contestants were kittens. Yep, eyes are starting to water.

Now my palms always sweat. I know it's gross, but it's just my body. But seriously, right now it's on another level. My palms have turned into sprinklers. I know nobody wants to hear this, but I just thought I'd be straight with you, the reader (Tyler, Mom, Sisters). It's also important to note that if I've ever lost a game of ping pong, it is strictly because of my sweaty palms and not because, for example, some red head dude who thinks he's awesome beat me outright. But even if any of that had happened, it wouldn't matter cause I would have already beaten the dude like 3 or 27 times. I would also have bigger muscles.

Well I think I'm about out of stuff to say. Here's a cheesy line I found from when I was like 15. Definitely remember feeling this way about songwriting. It's just never as good as you thought it was at first.

I'll write it down for now but later I will hate it
Just like when I sang for you and told you that I made it

You never reassured me so I threw the song away
It's just like how you watch me when I sing to you today

I'd show it to you now but I know you'd probably hate it
Kind of how I'll look at you and tell you that I've made it

Talked to Mary Grace on facebook. Score!

Also curly is the new red.