It's too late to try to be funny

It's 2 AM... I am not in a good mood and I'm about to go to sleep. I'm going to list some words/objects I see on my desk and then try to arrange them in a funny way.

life savers

keys

skull candy headphones

fake glasses

scotch tape

pens

orbit gum

dum dums

- "Give me back my skull, dum dum!"

"Nope, finders key-pers!"

- "So Sandra, my secretary, hands me a fake scotch and I'm like, 'Do I look like a dum dum? Go get me some candy before I steal all your pens and send them into orbit with my gum headphones!'".

- "Hey, nice fake glasses".

I realized about 2 minutes after starting that this was a disastrous idea, but I was already in too deep. I'm going to bed now and I'm in a slightly better mood.

-Joshua